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Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Pissing In The Wind 

Appraisal season will soon be upon us, and Stella is foaming with excitement.

Bonuses are up for grabs for the manager with the best performing team, and Stella, for whom life is nothing if not a never ending series of pissing contests, has set her sights on victory.

“You need to trumpet your achievements,” she counselled, between a succession of vitamin tablets. “I want you to be more ambitious, Tim.”

After lunch I found an information pack on my desk, along with a post it note saying “What do you think of this?”
I sketched out a few notes:

- This video inspires employees by motivating them to develop a positive mental attitude!
- Discover the PROFOUND TRUTHS about change!
- Don’t Adapt - Manipulate!
- Using cynically underhand strategies and practical exercises, identify and capitalise on others’ weaknesses!
- Learn how to keep difficult situations from grinding you down by creating a destructive emotional environment!
- Get some perspective and make work fun!
- Be fucking assertive!

I left the blurb in her office, appending her post it note with the words “Stella, I think you’re pissing in the wind.”

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