Tuesday, March 23, 2004

All The Boys I Know Love Diana. 

Your swirly eyed business consultant would describe where I work as an SME, or Small-to-Medium-sized-Enterprise, for an extra charge. What this means is that the company is small enough for you to notice when there is a new face in the corridors - the stuttering disorientated gait is also a bit of a giveaway, not to mention the panic stricken “My God what have I done now?” expression in their eyes, as they claw at the padlocked exit doors. But the company has now become so large that you know there’s a good chance you will never speak to some people, your paths will never cross - Heads of Marketing and IT support staff seldom attend the same meetings, for example - so that whole groups of people will often be complete strangers despite spending their working lives under the same roof. In short, nobody knows everybody, and nobody cares.

This is a real pity, because Diana is a Category A Babe. No tears were ever shed over unmade friendships with the programmers - “That code is, like, bitchin’! Just one line? Awesome dude!” - but suddenly everybody is brimming with suggestions for the company’s marketing strategies. Call the printers - there’s been a rush on “Introducing Super Bollocks Customer Relationship Software - Alienate Your Client Base Faster Than Ever Before!” brochures like you wouldn’t believe. And there hasn’t been as much rubber necking in the restaurant since the time poor old Ted Williams completely misjudged the joke emails that were doing the rounds at that time about Naked Day.

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