Thursday, April 01, 2004


In the third rate made-for-TV-movie that is My Life, the part of my lawyer is played by George Clooney, chosen for his charm, poise and bums on seats appeal with the female and gay demographic. Bill Surname, the stiff upper lipped, stuffy authority figure is ably played by Timothy West, all upper class outrage and bluster. I am played by Norman Wisdom, the hapless, accident prone gump. In spite of excellent casting, my life is badly let down by an atrocious script, and one is left wondering how or why all three stars agreed to become involved in such rubbish.

Clooney: Oh come on, it’s not like anyone died, is it? The building has not crumbled to its foundations. Pick up any newspaper of your choice and nowhere will you read “Lancashire Computer Firm On The Brink Following Obscenity Blunder!”
West: No, you come on. The man is clearly an idiot. We should have sacked him years ago when we had the chance.
Wisdom: But…
Clooney: Quiet there please Tim, I’ll deal with this.
West: Everybody was under very clear orders to be on their best behaviour, and yet this complete fool chose to carry on like he was a monkey in a zoo.
Wisdom: But…
West: He knew very well that we had important clients visiting, and deliberately chose his moment to embarrass my guests with his contemptible outburst.
Clooney: Contemptible outburst? You were right. This is a terrible script. I’m leaving right now. Are you with me Westie?
West: Absolutely old chap. I’ll order a taxi. You coming as well, Norman?
Wisdom: I’ll just get my cap. Now where did I put it?
Clooney and West together: Its on your head Norman!!!
Wisdom: So it is! How silly of me!
Me: Excellent. That leaves all the bourbon creams for me! Care for another cup of tea Tim? Thanks very much Tim, don’t mind if I do.

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