Monday, April 26, 2004

Dead Ringer For Love 

It’s Dead Ringer For Love. The woman in the blue Ford Fiesta has been singing Dead Ringer For Love, off and on, for the past three months or so, and it’s taken me this long to work it out. The hairbrush microphone technique, the rock chick head nodding routine, the puckering and pouting. Pretty obvious, really.

In the film adaptation of the hit West End musical “A Free Man In Preston“, John Cusack (coolly intellectual, handsome, self confident with an appealing hint of boyish vulnerability) is the natural choice to play me. Kirstie Allsopp (wild child sex kitten smouldering passionately beneath pearls and woollen twin set) plays the part of the woman in the Ford Fiesta.
The title music is a remake of Charlene’s 1980-something hit “I’ve Been To Paradise But I’ve Never Been To Me.” The producers have had the words changed to “I’ve Been To Widnes But I’ve Never Been To Leigh.”

I catch Kirstie’s eye in my rear view mirror and look away quickly. But when I look again a moment later, she is winking at me and giving me the come hither treatment. Kirstie Allsopp! Giving me the come on! Oh boy! Chances like this don’t come your way everyday.

I spring out of my car, jump onto the roof of her Ford Fiesta (you’re damn right it’s impressive - I fall off on the first four takes) and pick up the Meatloaf role to Kirstie’s Cher.
I don’t know anything about you baby, but you’re everything I’m dreaming of. I don’t know who you are but you’re A REAL DEAD RINGER FOR LOVE!!!

“Oh Kirstie, you’re a wonderful dancer!”
“Thanks Tim. You’re fabulous!”

By the time we arrive at the second chorus, everybody is joining in, dancing and whooping with delight. This is incredible. It’s a mad Monday morning Technicolor carnival of laughter and joy. The choreography is spectacular and the costumes are to die for.
“I can’t believe this is happening. Can you?” strangers ask each other.

And before long, the magic has cast it’s spell all over Preston and the immediately surrounding vicinity. Builders and dentists, hairdressers and lawyers, teachers, bakers and office workers, bingo callers on their way home from the night shift and students and unemployed people on their way to interviews, the happy and those in need of a little happiness are all having a great, great morning, a Monday morning they’ll never forget, and it’s all thanks to Kirstie in the Ford Fiesta.

When they get into work they tell their colleagues “You’ll never believe this but the most amazing thing happened on the way in,” and of course nobody does believe them.
“Sure it did, Ginger. Now put the kettle on. Fetch us a brew.”

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Copyright(c) 2004-2010 by Tim, A Free Man In Preston.
It kind of goes without saying, but this is my blog. I own it.

Slightly daft MP3 disclaimer: All MP3's are posted here for a limited time only. Music is not posted here with the intention to profit or violate copyright. In the unlikely event that you are the creator or copyright owner of a song published on this site and you want it to be removed, let me know.