Monday, April 19, 2004

My Aim Is True 

I was having a quick chat with Diana in her office before we got down to business. Work business, that is. Obviously. Honestly, what are you like?

“I was sorry to read about Dave.”
“What about him?”
“Well, you know. Him being imaginary and everything. I sort of liked him.”
She liked him? I hope he doesn’t read this.
“Good grief, you don’t need to worry about that. We’re like that all the time. He’s a great geezer, really.”
She still looked worried though, like she had troubled thoughts on her mind that she wasn’t sure she could talk about.
“There is another thing,” she said, biting her lip. “Is anything else in your blog made up? A lot of it seems very, you know, far fetched.”
“Oh God yeah,” I replied, wondering how come I’d suddenly started to speak like Jamie Oliver. “It’s about 50:50 I guess.”
“Right,” she said in a long drawn out riiiiiiight kind of way. “Do go on.”

“Quite a lot really is factual. Sort of. The thing where I shouted out What The Fuck really did happen, but it was someone else who did it, and at a different company from this one. Rex the security guard really does spend an awful lot of time on the internet, you must have noticed. And there was a time when I knew people who traded shares all day on the internet while at work. That was before the dotcom thing went arse over tit. So I combined the two things for the sake of a bit of a joke. It’s that sort of thing.”
“But why bother? A lot of people who write real blogs must think you’re taking the piss. Why bother with fiction?”
“Half fiction, or whatever the term is. A foggy mixture of the surreal and the humdrum, that was what I set out to try and do. Just for my own amusement really. I thought if anybody ever did discover my blog, they’d have fun trying to pick out one from the other, fact and fiction. It never crossed my mind that some people might get upset about it. And it was never my intention to mock other people and their blogs. Never. Did I? God, listen to the Idiot Boy squirming. I feel like John Lennon apologising for the Bigger Than Jesus thing.”

At that point Neil, my team leader, walked into the room fully kitted out in combat gear and playing a banjo. Then he walked out again.

“You painted yourself into a bit of a corner.”
“Yes, I think you‘re right. But when I come into work, sometimes I need something to cheer me up before I can face the day. Blog-lite. I like the idea of that. This was meant to be my contribution.”

Today’s lunchtime run : minus fifteen minutes. (Got abducted by aliens on the footpath up Sodding Hill and was transported back to Earth before I’d actually set off.)

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