Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Step Into My Office Baby 

I’m first in the office, looking through some old support calls when Diana Head Of Marketing strides purposefully into the room, sits on my desk, looks me straight in the eye and says “It’s you.”
She’s wearing a silk crimson blouse, the top two buttons of which are undone. And a three quarter length skirt, black. She sits faced towards me.
“What? Mr. Love Pants? Hello, but didn’t we have this conversation last week?”
“Yes, I know that, Dummy. But it’s you, isn’t it?”

Suddenly I realise how Stan in South Park must feel whenever he talks to Wendy. My stomach knots up and I think I’m going to be sick. She called me Dummy.
Neil, my team leader, walks into the room. He’s carrying a bunch of bright orange helium filled balloons.
“Have a balloon Tim. Would you like a balloon as well Diana? Oh go on, there’s plenty of them.”
Diana stands up quickly, straightens her skirt, accepts her balloon and says “So anyway Tim. Thanks for the input. If you’ve got any other questions, you know where to find me,” and then she’s gone.
“She seems very keen,” Neil says and winks at me. I’m surprised I haven’t passed out.
Two minutes later my phone rings. “I’m up in my office. Have you got a moment? Quick, before anyone comes.” Holy cow.

It’s right there on her screen. She’s got A Fucking Stupid Free Man In Preston displayed on her PC.
Hendrix Cat gave you a nice write up. I always read her stuff.”
“Yeah, I saw what she said. It was really kind.”
My mouth is dry. Fuck. I’m caught off guard. I never, ever anticipated that anyone at work would find out about the blog. I’m rattled.
“I recognised you straight away,” she says, swivelling in her swivel seat, looking a little too pleased.
“Like, big duh, Buffy,” I reply, mouth before brain. I'm ashamed to say it was virtually a snarl. “That must have been super really difficult for you.”

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