<$BlogRSDUrl$>

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Bitches Ain't Shit 

Our office is awful quiet now without Ash or Zippy there to make some noize. It’s as if someone has buggered up the controls - the sound’s gone and everything’s in black and white. A vision of our little world rendered in low contrast.

You’ll remember that Ash and Zippy were an amalgamation of three students who were here on sandwich studies - or whatever it’s called. I was a bit daunted by the prospect of three new blog characters all at once, so I conjoined them into two. You’d never guess, to look at them.

When term time finished back in early summer, Bill Surname, Chief Executive Officer, let them stay on a while to raise funds for a couple of the festivals, to stockpile hoodies and clear some of their debts. Now they’ve finally upped and gone for good.
Of course they know they’ll be welcome to pop round anytime they like during their university holidays or whenever, but I think we’ve probably seen the last of them. It’s their final year coming up so they’ll be pretty busy.

We miss them already. The smooth grind of skateboard wheels on concrete still resonates around the car park, as does the distant echo of The Most Startlingly Foul Mouthed Muthafucking Hip Hop Compilation In The World… Ever.
They were double cute - Ash, the first Muslim girl I’ve ever seen in a Never Mind The Bollocks T-shirt, and Zippy with his dreadlocks and Kurt Cobain good looks, and no shit attitude towards our visitors from the Jumped Up Yobs In Suits Corporation. Zippy would sing “Here come the Men In Black” every time one of them walked into the room. It so pissed them off.

Stella, my eighties style yuppie witch of a team leader, offered to organise a leaving do for them, but they just looked at her aghast like that would be the most tragically uncool thing on the face of the planet.
“What’s wrong with Tokyo Joes?” she asked, more than a little put out.
“What’s right with it?” they replied in unison.
I wanted to hug them.

They’ve been gone a week now but Stella could only bring herself to wipe their names off the rota this morning.
“Zinedine Zidane,” mused Neil, my former team leader, who’d taken refuge in our office because of an outbreak of fighting.
On Thursday somebody had hidden somebody else’s chocolate that they’d been looking forward to all day, and there’d been an atmosphere ever since. You know how it is, casual violence never being far from the thoughts of your average help desk lifer. It goes with the territory.
Anyway, it all kicked off this morning - headsets and keyboards flying in every direction, skin and hair all over the place, blood on the flat screen monitors, a full scale riot on the first floor - nothing much you can do but rope off the lifts and wait for it to blow over.

“Yes, Zinedine Zidane,” he said, stroking his mullet in quiet contemplation. “I bet he always came last on the school register.”

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Copyright(c) 2004-2010 by Tim, A Free Man In Preston.
It kind of goes without saying, but this is my blog. I own it.

Slightly daft MP3 disclaimer: All MP3's are posted here for a limited time only. Music is not posted here with the intention to profit or violate copyright. In the unlikely event that you are the creator or copyright owner of a song published on this site and you want it to be removed, let me know.