Thursday, April 13, 2006

Don't Fear The Reaper 

Everybody gathered round their nearest tannoy speaker to listen to Bill Surname CEO’s important announcement. We must have resembled 1940s families, all tank tops and knitted twin sets, fearful, clustered around the wireless, listening to Churchill urging the nation in it’s darkest hour to Get Up, Stand Up, Don’t Give Up The Fight.

You could tell something big was on the cards from the way Charlotte, Bill Surname’s loyal PA, spent the preceding days anxiously steaming up every window in a frenzy of executive hyperventilation.
Poor Charlotte - it’s a difficult time for her, what with the interminable Easter weekend rearing up like a chasm of solitary confinement in a pitiless void of ready made meals and low grade confectionary, and now this.

Company X is to be restructured, with a reduction in the workforce of somewhere between ten and fifteen percent.
Volunteers have been asked to step forward for early release - which sounds too much like an embarassing medical condition for my liking - and after that the compulsory redundancies will commence.

Okay, so I’m making up the bit about the tannoy system for my own gallows humour amusement, but the rest is really happening.
I need a Plan B but can’t think of anything sensible. At my time of life going back on the game isn’t an attractive proposition, and “A Free Man In Preston: The Paperback” sounds like “Ewwww” by any other name. Which leaves me with delivering free newspapers or going back on the game.

Charlotte bing-bonged her glockenspiel to signal the end of the world as we know it, and we all returned to our desks to browse job websites. There was an eerie sense of anaesthetised calm in the office.
Terry spent the afternoon instant messaging Tabs, who was working merely yards away on the reception desk. Mike went for a wank then ate some crisps.
Stella, my eighties style yuppie witch of a team leader, lit some joss sticks.

“It’s bad,” she sighed, flicking through her copy of “You? A Manager?!? And I’m The Easter Bunny.”
“It’s Hyderabad,” I replied.
“I wonder when we’ll start to hear stuff?”
The door was open and the wind appeared. Come on Baby, don't be afraid. Baby, take my hand.
“Noida,” I said, and stepped outside for a think.

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