Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Three Lions 

Tuesday is market day in Settle so we went for a browse around stalls selling not-real England shirts and incredibly depressing CDs of Irish music. Everybody knocks Radiohead, but if any type of music is going to push you over the edge, then it’s podgy old Irishmen in man-made fibres singing goat ballads. The general rule of thumb is that when you hear the bodhráns calling, you run for your life.

We had a drink and something to eat in the Naked Man, and reckoned that if it was a game, then the fruit and veg stall would probably win.
We also decided that the not-real England shirts were probably intended to exploit kind hearted grandparents who didn’t understand the cult of branded merchandise.
Girlfriend recalled the time her Mum had bought the boys some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles clothes, which were obviously fake because the colours and so on were all wrong. Despite their tender years, they were sensitive enough not to point this out to their Gran because they knew she’d feel upset. Everybody went “Awww.”

Me and JP bought a pair of comedy egg cups. They were for Leanne’s girlfriend Tina and her little boy, who hadn’t been able to join us. We’ve still only met Tina just the once, and very briefly.
A daft gift that will probably be greeted with “Oh great, where am I going to put these?” but we wanted to send out supportive vibes and let her know that, you know, we love Leanne and anybody who is a friend of hers is alright by us, etc. We were just trying to be nice.

Then we went on a guided tour of White Scar Cave.
I said the way to remember is that stalactites come down from the ceilings and thus have to hold on tight, while stalagmites might grow up to reach them.
Leanne and JP said something about how if she dropped her tights then you might go up. I didn’t understand and have erased it from my mind accordingly.

The caves were very interesting and beautiful too, although a warning that we’d be required to limbo dance through some of the lower passages would have been appreciated. The caverns reverberated to the sound of plastic helmet whack whack whacking against rock, predominantly limestone but granite also. There is an ultra violet witch who lives with her cat on carrots.

We discovered that we’d parked in an ice cream van graveyard.

Later on I watched my first episodes of Lost, which was OK I suppose, but the real enjoyment was listening to the others talking about it.
Leanne once spent an entire weekend watching the first series on some hooky DVD she got off the internet, but you didn’t hear me say that, right?

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