Wednesday, July 19, 2006

New Star In The Sky 

Hot yesterday, hotter still today, a blistering, headache inducing heat, so hot the car park melted.
All manner of shit has been bubbling up to the surface.

This afternoon an ejaculation of salesmen jostled around Rex the security guard to complain about it, like petulant footballers attempting to bully a referee.
What the overpaid grotesques expected him to do about the weather is anybody’s guess, but it demonstrated all too clearly - should we have needed reminding - that a salesman’s sense of self-worth is in direct proportion to the state of his car: tyre treads gunked up with squishy black tarmac equals a knife to the heart, wounded pride on a scale mere mortals cannot begin to comprehend.
The air was sticky with hurt and imminent tantrums.

Stella, my eighties style yuppie witch of a team leader, her office all a-jangle with wind chimes, fanned herself with a newspaper and said “Hey Tabs, wouldn’t it be weird if there was one of those boggers round here? I’m going to do one. Imagine us being infamous!” and Tabs told her not to be so daft, nothing worth reading about ever happens at Company X.

Creepy Keith from Accounts - surely not all accountants can be such poisonous little turds? - stormed into the room, feckless disappointment made manifest, ranting uncontrollably at Jeanette from the introductions agency on his mobile - “Well if she wasn’t so fat, Jeanette, she wouldn’t have to be a fucking lesbian, would she?” - and then Neil, my former team leader, careered by with his ice cream trolley. He was wearing his usual benign simpleton smile, and a T-shirt that read “The Heat Is On” on the front and “Stop Me And Buy One!” on the back.

I said “Be careful what you wish for,” and treated everybody to Magnums.

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