Friday, June 29, 2007

Wonderful World 

I made my debut public performance with the Barbershop Chorus tonight and feel very proud.

It was a balmy evening, and Girlfriend and Fairly Famous Actor came along to cheer me on.
They settled at a table not too far from the bar with a bottle of wine each, which they set about making short work of, while I stood about feeling a little self-conscious, never having worn a houndstooth check blazer before.

Dressing up like door to door salesmen from the Fifties – “Can I interest you in a carpet, Madam? Nylon stockings? Contraband dried eggs?” - hardly seems a good strategy for the Chorus to attract new and youthful recruits, as is their stated intention, but I can't say I mind.

I suppose the truth is I'm jealous at the thought of losing my crown as the young sexy one.
I like to think of myself as Justin Timberlake to their Bing Crosbys, the eye candy to their Uncle Joe's Mint Balls – so I'll be buggered if I'm going to let some bloody Mika muscle in on my scene.
Keep the Old Guy jackets, I say, and while we're at it let's introduce compulsory toupes, little short grey ones, for all members of the Chorus.
Have you thought about how “cool” you'll look with one of those sitting on top of your golden mop of luscious curls, hey Mika? Well? Have you? Grace Kelly my arse.

Anyway, it was a great gig, as we say in show business, not a dry seat in the house, etc.
I mimed most of it, having a really sore throat and not being too sure about some of the words. I don't think anyone noticed.
Backstage after the show, Field Marshall Woodplumpton made a stirring speech to the troops and said some kind words with respect to it being my debut appearance and so on. The whip round was as generous as it was unexpected.
Girlfriend and FFA enjoyed the popular classics – Wonderful World, Moon River, YMCA – but weren't so keen on the faffy technical numbers, which they said were probably more enjoyable to sing than to listen to.

FFA was particularly amused by the way every song was delivered with a cheery smile and jaunty dance, regardless of context:
“Hello emptiness...” - cheeky wink - “...I feel like I could die...” - shuffle feet, jazz hands - “...Bye bye my love, goodbye!” - big smile, thumbs aloft.

Then again, I've seen his Pa Larkin, so I hardly think he's one to talk.

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